Silence was my greatest fear.
After all these years I’ve found us:
our family, born out of poverty and pain
moving between houses not homes.
— Perhaps just out of habit
— Perhaps just out of pain
I’m unable to feel concerned for those
Who share not my family name.
I could not call my wondering thoughts to settle
For I only thought about the warmth
of those whom I loved in the room next to me.
I could only think of their heaving breaths,
Grateful that they could still be heard.
Silence was my greatest fear.
I entered the room, unable to calm my restless mind
And sat beside my wife Evelyn – looking at the cradle.
She smiled and gave me a kiss; her lips were made of ivory and gold.
And nothing was greater than when I was between her two arms,
hugging her and telling her sorry for not coming sooner.
Getting up, I walked towards the cradle to my Grace –
My beautiful daughter. Her large, innocent eyes would
Be waiting to greet me, and I would do anything to make her laugh.
Silence was my greatest fear.
Lifting her, she didn’t move. Why didn’t she move.
Her eyes were not opening like they usually do.
She didn’t hold on to my finger or laugh when I tried making
Her smile or cry when I would get mad or try grabbing my face
With her two hands or fall asleep in my arms on those nights
When I would come back from the war and she would be the
Only thing I looked forward to seeing cause somehow she
Would take all that pain away. But she didn’t move.
Silence was my greatest fear.
I looked back at Evelyn, but she just looked at me
lifelessly. Tears started filling my eyes, as I saw their
Bodies wither away. They were never there.
It was too late. It couldn’t be.
I ran out of time. I couldn’t have.
There was silence, everywhere.
Silence is my greatest fear.
Poem Explication:
This poem was much more of a narrative than the previous ones I have written. It’s a new style which I thought would be cool to try out. The man in the poem is unnamed, and he was a soldier in an army for his country. He had a newborn child, Grace, and his wife Evelyn – who were both his life. After coming back every once in a while, he would come to meet his family. However, in my interpretation his family whom he would come back too never existed; he had crafted this ideal family, to cope with the fact that he had no one. Silence was his greatest fear.
piercethetaco
October 4, 2019 — 7:00 pm
Dear Abhay
This piece was short but powerful. The twist sent chills down my spine and it is visually well designed. The repetition of the line “Silence was my greatest fear” was genius for two different reasons: The shift of the last line to “Silence is my greatest fear” makes a distinct move to inform us that something has changed, as well as putting the situation into perspective; The line itself characterizes the man more as a soldier who has seen combat. I don’t know if this was your intention but “Silence is uncertainty and uncertainty is dangerous.” was a very common saying among general in the first and second world wars.
The one suggestion I would give you is watch some of your world choices. I felt myself confused and lost at some points. Other then that it was a very well done piece.
Sincerely, Pierce.
cammie
January 13, 2020 — 9:20 pm
Abhay,
This piece was truely great! When you write the sentence structure and flow is so smooth. The idea behind the story is so unique and I personally would never write like this, but when you do it the piece turns out perfect, almost everytime.
My favourite line would be, “…moving between houses not homes.” It really spoke to me and I might have to steal it for a prompt sometime.
One thing to work on would be to spend more time on the war story. And the pain that he feels by not having a family.
Other than that, it was really really wel written.
Much Love, Camdyn <3